Empathy Trainability
Empaths can be overwhelmed by high sensitivity, and may perceive this as a weakness, but it is not.
Empathy can be learned in childhood and is a trainable trait in adulthood. Being compassionate and sensitive to the experience of others around you, will make you stronger, better, and more impactful as a leader and individual, and will help you to contribute to a stronger “we” professionally and personally.
So much about life in 2020 has been about pushing entire communities of people to their breaking points in diverse ways. Self-awareness and constant adaptation, daily, and attention to supporting the strength of those I supervise, mentor, collaborate with, look up to, and depend on, has buoyed me when I feel that sinking as I exhaust myself treading, barely holding myself “above water.” It is exhausting, but invigorating at the same time. I don’t claim to know why it works, but it does.
Reach out to help and for help. So many of us can understand that when we think about ourselves and the overwhelm, it can be hard to feel a motivation to recover and face the next challenge. Consider the times when you have felt this, and someone reached out to you in your weakest moment and needed you, and you found the energy to help someone else, and in doing so, somehow helped yourself fight to face another day. In a different circumstance, you may find yourself at your bottom, with no one seemingly around, and again lose motivation. It requires practice, and vulnerability, to reach out and admit that you need help and need to know there is someone out there. This can be near impossible for some, but opening up to that vulnerability and acceptance of help will help you be resilient by giving your support when you don’t have it in yourself. Even Superman needs Batman sometimes. “Avengers assemble!” means bigger trouble for bad guys than just Captain America rolling up on his motorcycle.
Communicate and connect to understand others. I have at times, and have heard others communicate at times, that the world is “too sensitive” these days, but I think with the past 4 years of climate in the country, I have realized, this is not accurate. We are evolving as people, albeit not effectively sometimes, to appreciate diversity and include all to build a stronger community. That requires sensitivity, willingness to accept differences, and eagerness to adapt to be a positive part of a community. If the community survives, individuals have the support and resources to survive. It’s basic biology. Or evolutionary biology. Strive to learn how you can communicate with others. Reach out, and ask others for their language of love, respect, and collaboration, and offer yours in return. Yes, learn to say things that don’t offend or hurt marginalized or stereotyped groups. Learn how to provide constructive feedback on projects at work in ways that will bolster a person’s confidence and drive to improve and be better. Take feedback, knowing that your perception is not the same as others’ perceptions.
Think of others and perform unsolicited kind acts, daily. One way to find meaning when you feel beaten, battling, you think, alone, is to impact the world in a positive way. It does not have to be grandiose, and in this final thought I actually recommend something small and unacknowledged: every day, take a moment to think about someone else who is struggling or has a big challenge in front of him/her. Take 5 minutes and think about how that person might be feeling, and what would build resilience in him/her. The acknowledgment is not important and the outcome is not even that important - expecting a huge impact or gratitude will defeat the purpose of this exercise. Trust that it will create at the very least, a ripple of positivity for someone. In that moment, you are important. You are contributing to the world and someone’s life in a wonderful, positive way, and you are forgetting about your struggle, able to stand, or exert strength you didn’t think you had before you reached out to be kind.
Resilience, and pushing human limits of possibility is maximized with strong individuals working together. Consider a simple example:
World record for one mile (1600m):
3:43.13 (Hicham El Guerrouj, Morocco, 1999 in Rome, Italy)
World records for 4x400m: 2:54.29 (US men, Valmon, Watts, Reynolds, Johnson, 1993), 3:15.17 (Soviet Union, women, Ledovskaya, Nazarova, Pinigina, Bryzgina, 1988), 3:09.34 (mixed US, Wilbert London, Allyson Felix, Courtney Okolo, Michael Cherry, 2019)
(drop mic)
